I can't think of a more-hyped and less-productive goodie than the 56k modem. The struggle between x2 and K56flex standards, the failure for 56.6 downloads to actually travel at 56kbps, the inability for these modems to deal with even the slightest phone line imperfections, the fact that many uploads still crawl along at 14.4 kbps, all have contributed to making 56k modems a lot of overhyped hot air. Nevertheless, millions of users have bought 'em. Look for newer technologies like cable modem, DSL/ADSL, ISDN and its new sibling AO/DI, T1, and satellite transmission to render analog modem technology obsolete, but it won't happen today. The good news is that the two incompatible standards have given way to a third standard which operates both x2 and K56flex. Known as V.90, this third standard has finally come into place.

An upgrade for the x2 is available from www.3com.com/56k, but K56flex owners might gnash their teeth when they find out how difficult a time they may have in upgrading their hardware. If their ISPs don't upgrade to match their souped-up K56 modems, download speeds will actually drop to the old 28.8 standard. Worse, there doesn't seem to be a "one size fits all" upgrade for K56 modems - upgrades differ between manufacturers (check the Web sites). And worst of all, some of the early K56es have their code built into ROM, which means swapping out ROM chips. Why? Rockwell only built 1MB of memory into their hardware, whereas the x2s have 2MB, plenty for the new V.90 code, which is available for any x2 modem from www.3com.com/56k, the U.S. Robotics site. If you're in the market for a new modem, the V.90s currently for sale are field-upgradable, so whatever last-minute tweaks come down the pike can be implemented in your modem by simply downloading a patch. (Warning: None of the V.90 modems tested in a recent Windows Magazine runthrough functioned as they should have. Second warning: many flash upgrades aren't reversible, so make sure you know what you're doing before you do it.) Maybe you should start saving your pennies after all.

The V.90 standards have been approved and should be ratified by the time you read this; check up on the latest at www.v90.com/. Rather try ISDN? Read up on the technology at www.isdnzone.com/dyndefault.htm. If you do purchase a V.90 modem, remember these tidbits: It's rare at best for any modem connection to move anywhere near as fast as rated. If your 56k connection moves at, say, the mid 30s, you're doing well. Don't hope for speed miracles just yet. Secondly, not all ISPs support V.90, or even the same V.90 standards. AOL and most other national ISPs have either completely changed over or are in the process; others, particularly some local or regional providers, haven't been as quick on the uptake. Ask your ISP before you make the changeover. Third, make sure your new V.90 modem has enough memory to let you flash it up to all four standards you need: V.34, K56flex, x2, and V.90. PC Card modems have particular problems with this. Fourth, no matter how good your modem is, if your line connection sucks, your Internet connection sucks. This particularly applies to hotel room connections for road warriors -- most hotels run their 'Net connections through their PBX board, guaranteeing poor quality of connection. You can use this phone number to test your line connection: 847-262-6000. This number is provided as part of 3Com's bulletin board. Use HyperTerminal to dial in, then enter line as your first name and test as your last name.

The BBS will, most of the time, accurately identify the line you're on as 56k-compatible or not. 3Com also provides a free phone line test service at www.3com.com/56k/need4_56k/linetest.html. Update: the new "V.92" standard is upon us; it's a modest improvement on the V.90 standard, addressing the Call Waiting issue as well as trying to eke more speed out of the transmission (up to 44k uploads under ideal situations). Find out more at www.itu.int/. Of course, the whole fascination with analog modems is about to disappear, now that digital connection technology like DSL and cable are becoming more and more available.